Ad Gulem Bezoarum Trudete - summaries! because I just got through a weekend's worth of RSS feed...

In an AU exists a Slytherin Harry and in another a Gryffindor Harry. What happens when the gaps in one person get too large...

I predict.... death.

...and how does fate deal with it? HPSS, HPLV and DMBZHP. Not for ppl w outstanding morals.

Phew! That excuses me from duty, then.

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After finishing Harry Potter 7, I was so surprised to find the truth about Snape, and was so impressed that I write this fanfic. Any merit, refer it to J.K. Million thanks for her having written the story so good. Please comment.

I think she's got to be up to J.K. Trillion by now.

(I was amused to see Severus described as a "hapless chap" in this one.)

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Snape finally meets his daughter, just as he decides he loves Harry. But she likes Potter too, enough to..do the dirty deed with him.

But was it done dirt cheap?

(Points for almost naming the daughter Semele, which though alliterative, would at least not have been a &*^!ing Serena. Points immediately lost, however, for taking a left turn and calling her Semilie instead.)

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(the entire summary)
harry snape get it on.!

"We were going to, if you'd noticed," Harry said, indicating his naked body as he lay spread-eagle on the bed, "but we'd rather do it on our own schedule, thanks." He shook his head and turned to look at Severus. "Some people are so fucking impatient, aren't they?"

"Myself included," Severus said, running his fingertip down the line of Harry's throat.

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A potion induced comma sends tow unlikely people into a singing moment. *shudders* Song fic AU

If you ever wanted to picture Severus and Hermione playing the parts of Aladdin and Jasmine, here's your opportunity. Hmm... although you know, Severus would make a good Jafar. Also starring: Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of Fawkes. O.o

But "a potion induced comma"? That calls for crack!fic...

Hermione stirred the clippings of her own hair and then the powdered stone into her potion and waited patiently for it to turn the delicate pink colour described in the recipe. She waited. And waited. And waited some more. It stayed stubbornly lavender in hue. Hmmm, she thought. Maybe it can turn out slightly different colours for different people?

She tried to sneak a glance over at Harry's textbook to see if there might be any informative scrawls on the matter, but he frowned at her briefly and casually shielded it with his body.

Hermione re-read the recipe, doing some quick mental calculations on the interactions between the ingredients. No, shouldn't be dangerous if it came out wrong... maybe just a taste then. She dipped her little finger into the potion and stuck it into her mouth. It tasted oddly of parchment and paper and had a bittersweet tang like the smell of fresh ink.

She hiccuped.

",,,,,,", she said.

"What?" Harry whispered, looking at her with confusion.

",,,,,,!" Hermione repeated more urgently.

"Keep it down!" Ron said. "Oh no -- Snape must have heard you!"

Severus approached their table, scowling. "What is this, Granger?" he said, dipping a ladle into the translucent purple fluid and letting it run back into the cauldron. "I believe the heading on the page reads 'Pulchritudinous Potion'. This, on the other hand, is clearly Punctualis Potion. You added chrysocolla instead of chrysoprase, didn't you?"

"But how can the recipes be so similar?" asked Harry.

"Because, Potter, proper punctuation is a beautiful thing."

Severus:
We shall praise the humble comma
And the bang! if you want drama
And the question mark that lets you ask a friend
There's parentheses for adding
Little side remarks as padding
And the full stop when you know you're at wits' end

Hermione:
The emdash and the hyphen
If used carefully, enliven
But when used without discretion -- what a mess
Beware the semi-colon
If your sentences get rollin'
For they'll be run-ons when they should be less

Severus:
[drawing quotemarks in the air with his fingers]
These ones mark people's speech
Or words that overreach
Their normal sense of usage in your prose
They cannot emphasize
Unlike bold or underlines
That bald misuse of quotes gets up my nose!

Both together:
The apostrophe's a fun one
When something belongs to someone
Though it's never ever used to pluralize
But as regards the comma
Can't just use it when you wanna
Nor leave it out entirely; such lies!

Harry: Hey, you forgot the colon!

Ron: [pauses] Goooood night, everybody!

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(the entire summary)
Severus relies on his one reliable friend.

As opposed to his unreliable friends, you'll note. Plenty of common sense, that bloke...

(another entire summary from the same author)
Severus observes something that Lily had already noticed.

...but apparently a bit slow on the uptake.

(I'm tempted to offer an MST3K line here: Lily: "Oh! What's that?" Severus: "That means I like you!")

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(fic doesn't look that bad actually)
Harry has forgotten. Features crazy harry.

No thanks; I prefer dirty Harry. (Do I feel lucky?)

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Its a wonderful life. Snape wishes he had never been born after Lily's death. A one-shot.

His wish is my command. Alakazam! He's now been born over 21 years before Lily's death.

Once again, kids, clause order matters.

(That movie would totally be the Christmas classic in my household. Forget that Jimmy Stewart guy; give me Severus!)

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Hermione goes on strike from Snape. Post war. Pretty much ignored DH.

We always knew it was going to end in a strike. The man's just been bloody unreasonable at the bargaining table. Gryffindors Local 7163 unite!